Am I Getting It?

Let me set the stage. Last night we had our annual harvest banquet or night of thanks or whatever. The food was good, the people were great, in my opinion the "program" pretty much rubbed me the wrong way the entire night, not mention I forgot to tape "ALIAS" Every time I hear the mission/vision statement of our church it makes me want to puke, "We want to be a healthy church we people can come and meet God and be equipped for life" blah,blah,blah puke! The night consisted of numbers of how many people were involved in each ministry, (the numbers were inflated at least concerning the student ministry) the budget, and so on... The numbers were misleading. I just get so sick of defining sucess by numbers. But there were a couple of moments were I felt God moving. We were playing some songs and people were giving their testimonies but of course that was cut short so we could get to the "sermon" and budget issues. All this leads me to the question of, "Why I am I so mad?" I just wanted to stand up and say this is load of crap. But I am pretty sure I would of had around 500 people thinking I was a raving lunatic. Am I reading to many books? I have just finished reading 2 books this week "The Search to Belong" and "Making Sense of the Church". They were both great books and they do make you think. Or is it that I am caught in the middle, I love the people but have huge issues with the "church". I am questioning everything, small group structure, our student ministry, finances and it becomes frustrating when there feels like there is no way out! My wife made me feel like poop when i got home from the harvest of numbers because i started complaining about the night and ripped on the vision/mission statement. She told me that all I do is rip on the church and then she asked me does the church do any good? "Of course it does!" I said. So here I am again. Caught. Can the church change in its current state or do we have to scrap everything? I know this is not a new question but it is one that I am struggling with daily if not hourly. Do I really get what it means to be the church, am I living it out in my own life? I hear a lot of talk about what the emerging church is but a lot of it seems almost paradoxial. I guess I will continue to read and question but I need not get so mad. God is still God and He is working in the present church despite how much the "emergent" culture wants it to change. Don't get me wrong I am with you but my attitude sucks right now...so thanks for listening to this rant.