What up chuck?
Reflection and introspection often cause pain. I've been listening to the now classic Counting Crows CD "August and Everything After". It was the summer of 95 that I bathed myself in this melancholy CD. I was a young punk,lost,cocky and I had the world figured out. My girlfriend and I just broke up after a 4 year relationship. It was done over the phone as she was 6 hours away. It was a mutual thing. I didn't believe in God and she did. She simply would not yoke herself to a person who did not follow Christ.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. Right after I got off the phone I went upstairs and cry like a baby with my mom. I was 20 years old and the world just crashed down on me. As this music conjures up the pain I was in, it sickens me to think of the pain I caused her. But it was through this pain and several druken stupors that God drew me to Him. I was trying to fill me life with whatever I could get my hands on and it just didn't work. It is funny that it was the relationships that I had formed with people from the church that help me realize the hope that was in Christ.
I accepted the grace that was extended to me by Jesus and married that crazy girl. I had no idea what He was getting me into. 9 years later I am thinking what happened to those relationships that help change the direction in my life. They were real but now they are in the periphary not really in focus. I work at a church that seems to talk out of both sides of it's mouth. What the hell am i doing? Not sure but I know God will teach me something through all this.
This will be a watershed week or couple of weeks for me. Some decisions will be made that will determine if I stay or go. I am desperately seeking God and His Spirit to guide me and make clear what I need to do. I just am in stupor (not a druken one but at times that wouldn't be so bad). Actually I have big dreams about what God can do here in Rockford through just a small group of people that he has surroned me with but I need something to make it okay to leave. Does that make sense? I guess being broke and not being able to pay the bills could be one sign right? Well anyway there always seems in suffering and pain the taste of grace and sweet mercy that flows down upon us undeserving turds. Grace and peace to you.
Murder of One Counting Crows
Does he tell you when you're wrong?
I've been watching youfor hours
it's been years since we were born
We ere perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
all your life is such a shame
all your love is just a dream
I dreamt i saw you waking up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on teh winter sky as yo stood there
counting crows
one for sorrow
two for joy
three for girls and four for boys
you don't waste your life
I walk along these hillsides
in the summer neath the sunshine
i am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change
I remember that day like it was yesterday. Right after I got off the phone I went upstairs and cry like a baby with my mom. I was 20 years old and the world just crashed down on me. As this music conjures up the pain I was in, it sickens me to think of the pain I caused her. But it was through this pain and several druken stupors that God drew me to Him. I was trying to fill me life with whatever I could get my hands on and it just didn't work. It is funny that it was the relationships that I had formed with people from the church that help me realize the hope that was in Christ.
I accepted the grace that was extended to me by Jesus and married that crazy girl. I had no idea what He was getting me into. 9 years later I am thinking what happened to those relationships that help change the direction in my life. They were real but now they are in the periphary not really in focus. I work at a church that seems to talk out of both sides of it's mouth. What the hell am i doing? Not sure but I know God will teach me something through all this.
This will be a watershed week or couple of weeks for me. Some decisions will be made that will determine if I stay or go. I am desperately seeking God and His Spirit to guide me and make clear what I need to do. I just am in stupor (not a druken one but at times that wouldn't be so bad). Actually I have big dreams about what God can do here in Rockford through just a small group of people that he has surroned me with but I need something to make it okay to leave. Does that make sense? I guess being broke and not being able to pay the bills could be one sign right? Well anyway there always seems in suffering and pain the taste of grace and sweet mercy that flows down upon us undeserving turds. Grace and peace to you.
Murder of One Counting Crows
Does he tell you when you're wrong?
I've been watching youfor hours
it's been years since we were born
We ere perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
all your life is such a shame
all your love is just a dream
I dreamt i saw you waking up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on teh winter sky as yo stood there
counting crows
one for sorrow
two for joy
three for girls and four for boys
you don't waste your life
I walk along these hillsides
in the summer neath the sunshine
i am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change
posted by Tim @ 4:30 PM
3 Comments:
At 7:57 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I'll be praying for you. Peace. My best friend was from Rockford. Killed by a drunk driver. I had to go to Rockford for the funeral. Surreal. That's how I remember it. re Peace.
Chris
radiorebellion
At 9:39 PM ,
Bob said...
I wish I could add clarity to the decisions you face. God has the answer but He always seems so content to let us figure it out for ourselves--usually in retrospect about 10 years later. But I'm sure that 20 year-old had no idea what an incredible woman he had.
At 1:44 PM ,
Dan said...
Just make sure your feelings don't guide your path.
Our emotions can screw things up pretty bad. You are building a legacy through the kids you are working with every week in and week out. Even when you can't see the seed germinating, or see the fruit as it starts on the vine. Someday (maybe on the other side) you will see the fruit of your efforts and labor.
Bottom line, seek out God. He and He alone knows what you need to do and the cool part is that the path is already cleared for you! Jesus did all the hard stuff.
I had an old pastor that used to tell me to "grow where I was planted because my problems will just follow me wherever I go..." I think the point was that they were my problems...
: )
The music reference was cool. It is amazing how quickly a song can take you back to a moment!
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